Yabuki Shingo Versus the Army of Kyoness
by Wraith1
Summary: Shingo and friends fight an army of Kyo-zombies! Complete with musical number!


(Wraith-chan hops out, as he is wont to do. As usual, he's loaded down with charts and graphs, which he quickly sets up.)  
Wraith-chan:Hmm, it looks like today's topic is the undead, zombies to be specific. Zombies are a popular mythology in which the dead return to a strange unlife to feast on the flesh of the living. The usually have a particular love of brains, and many are known to---AAAAAAAAGGGHHH!!!!  
(Wraith-chan is eaten by a zombie. Hey, zombie stories aren't about scientific explanation, they're about blowin' off heads and settin' things on fire! So let's start this mother!)  
(Our story begins in the NESTS supernatural-investigations lab. Once scientist enters as another pounds his hands on the console. The room is a wreck.)  
First Scientist:What's happened here? Did the specimen escape?  
Second Scientist:Err...yeah, our super-soldier.  
First Scientist:Oh, no! That virus will affect anyone he bites, and they will become berserkers even after death!  
Second Scientist:It's okay! The virus is attuned to his genetic structure!  
First Scientist:Good! What does the zombie look like?  
Second Scientist:This.(He presses a button, and on-screen appears a red-eyed Kyo Kusanagi clone)  
First Scientist:Oh. Fuck.  
(There, that's enough exposition, now we take a look into the Sakazakis' Kyokugen dojo, which, as usual, is in deep financial shit. And the non-financial kind, too...)  
Robert:Master Takuma, the toilet's overflowing again!!  
Ryo:It's that greasy Italian food, I tell ya..  
Robert:I'm American!!  
Ryo:Whatever.  
Takuma:A toilet overflowing? This looks like a job for...Mr. Karate(TM)!!!  
Ryo:Not that stupid mask again...Dad, take it off and call the plumber, for god's sake!  
Takuma:"Dad"? Who's this "dad"? I'm Mr. Karate(TM)!  
Robert:No, you're not! That damned mask didn't work the first time, and it doesn't work now, master Takuma!  
Ryo:I'm calling the plumber.  
Takuma:No need, now that Mr. Karate(TM) is here!!  
(Takuma takes a wrench and attempts to fix the problem--by unscrewing the drain pipe, spilling the contents on the floor. Yuri comes out of her room.)  
Yuri:What is that smell?  
Robert:Mr. Karate decided to fix the toilet.  
Yuri:Daddy!!  
Takuma:I'm telling you, I'm Mr. Karate(TM)!  
(The doorbell rings, and Yuri goes to the door.)  
Yuri:Who is it?  
(A heaily-italian-accented voice answers)  
Voice:It's-a-me, Mario!  
Yuri:Guys, the plumber's here!(She opens the door, and a short man with a mustache and red overalls walks into the door.)  
Mario:Hello! It's-a-me!  
Robert:Mario! My man! How's your life been?  
Mario:Mmm..spaghetti, pasta...ravioli....aah, mama mia!  
Robert:You said it, bro! Well, I guess you gotta go fix the toilet.  
Mario:Let's-a-go!  
(Mario fixes the plumbing with record speed. He hands Ryo the bill, and Ryo hands him a stack of bills.)  
Ryo:Here..  
Mario:Thank you so much for-to paying my rate!(Mario is about to leave, but another knock on the door causes Robert to check it out)  
Robert:Maybe your brother's come lookin' for ya, Last I heard, wasn't Luigi a made man?  
Mario:(nods head)Yahoo!  
Robert:It's a great gig...as long as you do what the bosses say.  
(He turns his attention back to the door)  
Robert:Who's there?  
Voice:brrrrraaaiiinnnssss....  
Robert:Brains who?  
Voice:brrrrraaaaaiiiiiinnnsssss....  
Robert:Ha, Ha! That's hilarious!  
Voice:Brrrraaaaaiiinnnssss....  
Robert:Master Takuma, the brains you ordered are here!!  
(He opens up the door, and on the other side is a dozen Kyo clones, all with pale skin and red eyes.)  
Robert:Uh.....Master Takuma? MASTER TAKUMAAAAAAAUUUGGHHH!!!  
(at that moment, Takuma is getting near the door)  
Takuma:Damn boy, can't even call me Mr. Karate(TM). I didn't order any braaaaa.....  
(He stares, paralyzed, at the army of zombies flooding into the foyer, and Robert's corpse, from which the skull has been torn open and the brains removed.)  
Kyo clone #2907:(pets his belly and burps)Mama mia, that's a spicy meat-a-ball!  
Takuma:Uh...son?  
(Ryo walks in)  
Ryo:Yeah dad?  
Takuma:Are these new students?  
Ryo:Maybe you should ask them?  
Takuma:Okay...Uh! Hi! What can I do ya fer?  
Kyo clones #4,462, 6,940, 1,379:Brrrraaaiiiinnnsss......  
Takuma:Uh...well, this is a learning institution...If you want brains, you've come to the right plaaAAAAAAAGGGHHH!!  
Ryo:No, waaaaaAAAAAGGGHHHHH!!!!  
(The zombies descend upon our non-heroes, rip their skulls open, and chew on the brains inside. There isn't much here, though, so they decide to move on, leaving Yuri cowering in the corner, but still alive.)  
Yuri:What's going on? What are these things? I've gotta go get help...  
(Yuri sneaks out the window, and slinks down the street, only to find more of the Kyo clones outside. Literally hundreds of them stalk the alleyways, looking for victims. Most of them seem preoccupied, but a small group of them turns to face her. Seeing them lurch toward her, she starts to run, but the noise of her footsteps causes more to notice her from other directions. Left with no exits, she uses her desperation attack, and sends one of the zombies blocking her path flying away and on fire. When the zombie hits the ground, it's no longer moving. The other zombies pause to look at the "dead dead" zombie, then back away from Yuri until she finally breathes a sigh of relief.)  
Yuri:So fire kills them! Yay!  
Voice:Not for long. Eventually they won't be scared of it anymore and will attack again.  
Yuri:Who's ther---wait, you're--  
(She turns to the source of the voice, a young man wearing a renegade ghetto priest outfit. His eyes, however, are not red.)  
Kyo:I'm the real Kyo Kusanagi. I finally make it back home, and look what happens.  
Yuri:What are these things?  
Kyo:If I remember correctly, they're clones that NESTS made of me. I don't know why they're acting like this, though.  
Yuri:What can we do?  
Kyo:Nothing, but I know someone who can...Follow me!!  
(The scene now shifts to Maxima, who is sitting on a couch watching TV)  
Maxima:Key, K-dude, come in here and check this out! It's the world's funniest KOF bloopers! Dude, it's awesome! Iori can't get through a doorway, and Ralf's bandoliers just spontaneously combusted!  
(silence)  
Maxima:Little buddy?  
(he hears Whip scream, and quickly stands up)  
Whip:K-darling's gone nuts!  
Maxima:What do you mean?  
K':Braaainnnsss...(He slowly walks through the door)  
Maxima:You alright, little buddy? You look a little pale. Maybe we should take you to a doctor.  
(K' shuffles over to Maxima, and begins to gnaw on his head. K' chips a tooth.)  
Maxima:Oh, excuse me! Sorry about that! Half-metal, you know.  
K':Braaainnnssss...  
Maxima:Uh, what's wrong, little buddy?  
K':Braaiinnnss....(He slowly creeps toward the kitchen)  
Whip:Is...is he leaving?  
Maxima:Dude! I didn't mean to hurt your feelings!  
(K' slowly moves back toward Maxima.)  
Maxima:There, now, what's up?  
(K' pulls a can opener from behind his back, and once again attacks Maxima)  
Maxima:Oh, my god! Pardon meeeeeEEEEE!!!!  
Whip:He screams like a girl! Oh, shit, I'm next! AAAAAAUUUGGGHH!!!  
(this scene is repeated elsewhere as well...)  
Kula:Angel, watch out!!  
K'9999:Brrrrrrraaaaiiiinnnnnssss....  
Angel:Hnnh? Wat Brainsh? I dun shee no brainsh. All'sh I shee is a schreen produn.,...produck...they's playin' AKIRA on tha' big schreen. An' Tetshuo's gonna chomp shum poor bitsch'shs brainsh out.  
Kula:(runs away. She's not that stupid.)  
K'9999:Brrrrraaaiiinnnsss...  
Angel:Pieesha shit. It'sh all shkipping now.(bangs k'9999 on the side of the head)  
K'9999:B...brains?  
Angel:hunh? That'sh not right..oh, shiz. Ship. Shik. Fuck.  
(K'9999 devours her brains)  
(Let's check back on Yuri and Kyo, who are still making their way toward their destination, which is still unknown to Yuri)  
Yuri:Where are we headed?  
Kyo:It's right up ahead! Into the gates!  
(The gates to a huge military compound swing open. The two run in, but are followed by zombies through the gates, which swing closed)  
Yuri:Oh, no! The doors won't open!  
Kyo:Crap, is it a trap?  
(The zombies surround the two and approach them slowly. Suddenly, over half of the zombies catch on fire and fall over only inches from Yuri and Kyo. Standing over the flaming-corpse-corpses is a familiar outfit with a slightly different face.)  
Shingo:I finally got fire power, master Kyo!(He brandishes a flamethrower with a huge tank on his back.)  
Kyo:Shingo! I never thought I'd be glad to see you!  
Shingo:Kusanagi-san is happy to see me? Yaaaayyy!!  
Yuri:Can we go inside now?  
Shingo:Uh, yeah! I got the keys!(he shuffles through his pockets and finally pulls out a key, with which he unlocks the door. The three quickly get inside and close the massive door.)  
Yuri:NOW can you tell me where we are?  
Kyo:You'll find out.  
(They walk down a hallway, and after a few turns come to a lab. Inside are the Ikari Warriors, minus Whip, and a few scientists.)  
Heidern:Kyo! We think we might have the antidote!  
Kyo:Great! How does it work!  
Scientist:Well, first we inject you with the antidote...(he pushes a needle into Kyo)  
Kyo:Alright.  
Heidern:And now we test it.  
Scientist:(He draws a sample of blood from another clone which has been tied down, then pushes the syringe into Kyo's arm.)  
Kyo:Hey, I think it's working!  
Heidern:Excellent, we'll..  
Kyo:BRRRAAAIIINNNSSS!!  
Heidern:Goddamnit. I guess it didn't work.  
Yuri:Why didn't you just send him out to fight, so we'd only find out if he got eaten?  
Heidern:Err...well...  
Shingo:He's getting away!  
Scientist:Oh, no! He can smell his other clones, and is going to go revive them! Shingo, you have to stop them!  
Shingo:Yes, sir!!  
(Shingo tracks Kyo to the graveyard, where he is standing in the gate. Kyo turns around to face Shingo, and in a row behind him are K', K'9999, and Krizalid, who apparently busted his way out of his grave. In multiple rows behind them are literally hundreds of the clones. They all trot slowly toward Shingo.)  
Shingo:I'm too late!!  
(The army of zombies stops suddenly. An errie tune plays through the background and Kyo begins to sing as his clones all match his arm-raises and dance-moves perfectly.)  
  
Kyo:  
It's close to fight time and something evil's lurking in the dark  
Under the spotlight you see a sight that almost stops your heart  
You try to DM but terror takes the punch before you land it  
You start to block as a copy looks you right between the eyes  
You're paralyzed  
  
'Cause it's a Kyo clone, Kyo clone fight  
And blockin' sure won't save you from the 75 shiki kai!  
You know it's a Kyo clone, Kyo clone fight  
You're fighting for your life against a toned guy, cloned guy tonight  
  
You back up too far and realize there's nowhere left to dash  
You feel the burning and wonder if you'll ever get the cash  
You close your eyes and hope that this is just imagination  
But all the while you hear him jumpin' back behind  
You're out of time  
  
'Cause it's a Kyo clone, Kyo clone fight  
There ain't no second chance against a group of forty guys  
You know it's a Kyo clone, Kyo clone fight  
You're fighting to survive against a toned guy, cloned guy tonight  
  
NESTS Scientists call  
The clones start to fight though they're not being paid  
There's no escapin' the R E D Kick this time (You're open wide!)  
So cheap it's a crime  
  
They're out to get you, there's clones closing in on every side  
They will defeat you unless you change your copied clothing style  
Now is the time for you and I to cuddle close together  
All thru the fight I'll save you from the copies on the screen  
I'll make you see  
  
That it's a Kyo clone, Kyo clone Fight  
'Cause I can thrill you more than any clone who would dare to try  
Girl, this is a Kyo clone, Kyo clone fight  
So let me try to fight and stop a Stoned-up, Toned-up, Cloned-up  
Kyo fight tonight  
  
  
Shingo:My god...I have to stop them!!  
(The clones get closer...)  
Shingo:But how?? I can't take them all on...unless....wait! I know!!  
(He jumps at Krizalid, then grabs something from his coat and jumps away!)  
Shingo:Hah! I knew he had one of these, but never used it!!  
(The device is a small button on a wrist grip)  
Shingo:Prepare to fry, zombie bastards!!!  
(He pushes the button, and a huge bomb explodes in the middle of the graveyard, splattering the zombies and Shingo as well)  
(The others run up and find Shingo, who is quite dead)  
Yuri:Oh, no!! SHINGO!!!!  
(Heidern buries Shingo, and marks his grave with a cross)  
Heidern:It's okay, Yuri...He saved us all, you know..  
Yuri:I know....  
(The two walk away. After they disappear from sight, a decayed and gloved hand bursts out of the gravesite.....)  
The end.  
Or something. 


End file.
